I’m doing it! Tooting our own horn!

I’m not one that likes to brag, and usually, I discount the progress we’ve made by saying things like, “we’re doing good, but...” No more! We’ve been working very hard, and have seen so much growth, we need to brag!! Our parenting style has had to evolve so much over the last few months, and change isn’t always easy. Especially, when for the most part, your parenting style has worked for 11 years. 

Our ABA therapists give us praise all the time. Telling us that we are the most receptive parents they’ve interacted with in some time. That we really take the training they are giving us, and implement it. And it does show. We had one extremely rough month with Brendan at the beginning of al this change, but that’s expected when we do things differently than he is expecting. But the months that followed have really made us feel that we are doing a good job, and doing it right! 

The meltdowns are fewer and farther in between. Brendan is more compliant about doing an unpreferred activity. We are better at preparing him for a transition. We take the time to tell him that we like the words he using, or that he’s playing nice, etc. And we have even seen some growth in him verbally expressing what he may be feeling (this is still a huge area of needed improvement, but we are seeing some!). 

Halloween really took me by surprise and is what really made us see that we’re are doing things right! When we were leaving for my friends house, I told Deron that I was nervous about how Brendan would react when I say it’s time to go trick-or-treating, and time to go home. You see, there is something at my friends house that is not at our house. Something Brendan obsesses about... an Xbox. I already had it in my mind that there would be screaming, crying, hurtful words, when I would transition him to different things. When we set him up on the game, we told him to let us know if there was he needed. He would pop up to the window here and there and say, “I’m ok!” 

When I asked him if he wanted to go trick-or-treating, he said, “I don’t know...” About 20 min later, he came out all on his own and said that he was ready to go. We went out for about 45 min, and returned back. He went back and played some more games. Then came out on his own to snuggle and play with the kids. He would go back and forth a few times, without me even asking him to do so. When it was time to leave, I went into the room and primed him, letting him know we would be leaving in about 10 min. He put down the controller and said, “I’m ready to go now.” 😳 I couldn’t believe it. No tantrums. No crying. No name calling. The ride home was peaceful (usually he would cry the whole way home). Things were peaceful. Maybe he was just tired, but maybe, the tools we were taught, and we are implementing, are actually working! 

This is the growth that we have been training for! Deron and I have been working so hard to help us help B, and we are seeing our hard work come through in B’s behavior. We are so thankful that these services are available for parents. No one tells you how to parent a child with autism, and many times you just don’t know that changing one small thing, can really change the reaction you get from your child. We cannot say enough good things about this therapy. 

If you are reading this and need help finding resources to help you and your child, please let me know! We were blind in going through these processes, but we’ve learned over the years where to go to get us and Brendan the help that’s needed. 

Halloween...

Let me be honest. Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays. I don’t like the gore, the scary stuff and definitely don’t care for the crowds. I love fall, however. I love decorating with pumpkins and leaves and enjoy eating all the pumpkin things. But you will not find a Halloween decoration in our house. 

But, having kids means that sometimes we have to endure those things we don’t care for. We do not allow our children to dress in gory costumes, or scary things. They must be positive. But let me tell you, these boys get excited about Halloween. I really think it’s just because they’re getting candy, but they do enjoy it. This year, the boys are our “happy meal.”

I think one main reason that I don’t enjoy Halloween is because of the emotional stress we go through with Brendan during this holiday. He likes the idea of this holiday, but when he’s in the activities, he melts down fast. He’s overstimulated from the crowds, noise, scary things. He can’t make decisions. He has a hard time choosing a candy when the bowl is placed in front of him, and he doesn’t quite know how to say “trick or treat” or “thank you” to all these people that he doesn’t know. 

Our nights of trick or treating typically start off like this...

-Brendan is scared to go up to about the first 5-6 houses. He’s unsure of what happen since he’s never been there before. 

- after watching his brother go up and come back with candy, he starts going as well (his brother is very good about helping him with this)

- after about 30 min, he wants his costume off

- after about 45 min, his feet hurt and he can’t walk anymore (he weighs 92 pounds...) 

- he starts not wanting to go up to the homes anymore and is asking to go home 

- the more crowded the streets get, the more agitated he starts getting as well. 

I turn into the holder of all things. Sometimes I’m even carrying him. Although, that won’t be an option this year, I can barely lift him. His behavior starts to turn negative, which in turn makes me feel negative and makes me just want to end it all and go home. Poor Liam ends up having to call it quits early because I can’t take it anymore... 

This year, we’re hoping for things to be a bit different. We’ve gotten Brendan a less restrictive costume and a special bucket! 

This year, we got him a blue bucket, which is meant to help those passing out candy to see that he has autism, and maybe that’s why is social skills aren’t what they should be. He’s very excited about his bucket and told me he can’t wait to fill it to the top!! That means he will have to go to quite a few houses to get it full! He’s had a lot of growth in the last year, so I feel he will be able to overcome some of these obstacles this year. Also, we’re going with his favorite person, so I think he’ll be able to get through it all! 

We hope you all have a safe and fun Halloween! And remember, if you see a child with a blue bucket, be understanding. 

Out in public, now what?

Brendan was invited to a birthday party for one of his classmates and all week he was so excited to go! He talked about it everyday, and was so excited to pick out the present. The day of, he would ask every 30 minutes if it was time to go yet. I’ll admit, I was a bit excited too! It’s not often that these classmates get to spend time together outside their very structured classroom setting.  And as parents, we all see each other at drop off and pick up, but rarely do we get to sit down and talk about life, and get to know each other.

So walking in, there’s a bounce house, trampoline, hammocks, cornhole, etc. Brendan was excited to see his classmate, and they gave each other a cute little hug. We walked into the house to drop off the present, and there it is... the entertainment center. Right away I see Brendan’s fingers starts moving (this is the type of stimming that he does when he is excited/nervous). He says, “oh! They have a PlayStation 4, and a Nintendo switch!” Right away, I know I am going to have to do everything I can to redirect his attention away from these devices. If you have ever met Brendan at all, you will know of his obsession with gaming consoles. Probably because we really don’t have them at our home, but he loves video games. 

We are able to get outside for a while. The kids are playing nicely in the bounce house. After a while, Brendan climbs on the hammock and rests for a little while. 

We get food (which is in the house, so seeing the gaming consoles brings back that initial want). He is able to finish food, but has it in his mind that he gets to play these games after he eats. At this point, the meltdown starts. He’s pacing, crying, calling me names, saying that I’m ruining his life because I won’t let him play. I am trying to remind him that this is a birthday party, and we aren’t playing video games. It gets worse...

I am trying to remember what our ABA therapist tells us about how to handle these situations, which is to ignore. At home, no problem. Out in public, it’s tough. I walk away so that I’m not close to him, while he continues to grunt, cry, and get mad. Most of it for my attention, and so that his friends mom will give in and let him play. 

I was able to get him outside to at least sing happy birthday, but then the outburst continued. I shouldn’t feel ashamed, but I do. I feel like all the parents are watching me. In reality, I’m the one being self conscious. The other parents aren’t watching me and judging my parenting. They are actually empathizing with me because they are also in the same spot I am. 

One of the moms told me to sit down, and relax. We talked about how hard it is to “just ignore” in public. Something that comes so easy in our natural environments, becomes our most difficult task when we are out of our comfort zones. Once I relaxed and ignored the behavior, Brendan walked down to the trampoline and jumped around for a little while, before he fell when trying to get off 🤦🏻‍♀️

The point is, autism is hard. There is no manual for how to parent a child on the spectrum. You know your child, their triggers, what sets them off, what makes them happy. We can try to stay in our controlled environments where most things are easier for us and our children, but does that really do any of us any good? Getting not only ourselves, as well as our special babies out in public, learning social ques, appropriate behavior, etc. is what is going to make us and them thrive. For now, I will work on ignoring in public. Ignoring the bad behaviors from Brendan, as well as the looks, and judgmental stares from those who will just never understand what our lives are like. 

We're back!

Hey, hey! We've been absent for a minute (5 years!), trying to figure out life! But, we're back! Life has been busy, things have been changing, God is moving mountains, and we are ready to share it all with you! Here's a quick re-cap:

-Liam is a middle schooler! What?!? I can't believe we're saying that! 
-Brendan is in the 3rd grade, and we've been doing therapy, and have seen lots of growth (in all of us!)
-We've been learning lots about autism and how to navigate through the day-day with a child on the spectrum
-We've found an amazing church and have been hearing God speak to us so often. Mountains are moving, faith is growing, God is ever present. 

We're excited to get back into this Blog thing, and hope you are excited to see what we have to share. For now, enjoy a back-to-school pic of our growing boys!

Things that help

After my post on Monday, I was left feeling negative about the situation that occurred. I know the opinions of others shouldn't matter to me, and for the most part, they really don't. All of this is new for me, and I know that through God and my family and friends, we will figure it all out. I appreciate all the prayers that are being said for us. It is comforting to know that there are so many people that genuinely care about our family. 

I've received so many reminders over the last few days that I am a strong mom, and that God made me Brendan's mom for reason. I've read stories of other families experiences with "meltdowns" and it's has all been refreshing. My friend Ashley sent this to me on Monday: 

She sent it just at the right moment. Just the reminder I needed to get through the day. My friend Rosa also sent me a card that just helped to remind me that I am capable of handling all this. 

With that said, I wanted to focus on some of the things we are doing that help to make life a little easier for all of us! 

We use this visual calendar for Brendan so he knows where he is going each day of the week

He loves this thing. He checks it every day and it's been much easier to get him to his different drop offs because he knows where he is already going. He even will change the weather if he walks outside and sees that it is different than what's on his schedule. 

We also use a first-then model for completing homework.

Brendan hates doing homework. Once we made all the choices that he likes, this tool started working great. We struggle a little, but not near as much as before we used this tool. 

We've also started using doterra oils. We have oil that we put directly on him and have also started using a diffuser in the house. 

Since starting these, we've noticed that Brendan just seems to relax a little more. There is a little more focus in him as well. He will even put the oil on himself once in a while.

We also have a vitamin that we have been using since before we found out Brendan is autistic.

We give this to him everyday. It has done wonders for us. When Brendan does not take this vitamin, he is more irritable, high strung and difficult to manage. It really does just take him down a notch. Plus, he is not the best with fruits and veggies. This vitamin really gets him a lot of the nutrients that he needs. 

The last thing that has been very helpful has been Brendan's teacher. We couldn't ask for a better teacher for Brendan. She cares so much about his development. She constantly lets me know how things are going and makes sure to let me know when he is doing great! 

These are things that we definitely need. So often you hear the negative, but the positive is what keeps us going. 

I want to thank you all again for all the prayers and positive encouragement. I really do appreciate it all. We have a long journey ahead of us. There are going to be some bad days. The only way we are going to get through it, is with God. 

Our first public meltdown

Today Brendan had his first meltdown in public. There have been other times where he has been difficult, but this was much different. It was all over a ninja turtle. He screamed, said hurtful things to me, threw himself on the floor, smacked me and carried on the whole way through the store. (If you were at Target around 12:15 today, I apologize) The looks I got were so uncomfortable. You'd think by now, people would understand that's it's not me parenting incorrectly, or Brendan behaving badly. But the looks I got were not looks of sympathy. They we're looks of people that wanted me to control my child. If it were only that easy. It finally stopped when we got to the checkout. I wanted nothing more than to drop whatever I had and just leave. I think it pushed me into an immediate panic attack. And when everything was over, I was just so emotionally drained. I know this will not be the last one, but wow! I just really wish the judgement from others wasn't there. That is the hardest thing to deal with. 

P.S. This is not the toy he was crying about. We had already bought this, and he wanted something else at another store. 

Mommy Meltdown

I do believe that I am on the verge of a mommy meltdown...Life, kids, work, whatever... It's been hard lately. I took this past week off from work to be with the kids on one of their weeks of spring break. For 9 days straight, there was not one moment of the day that I did not have a kid with me. I know, I know. I am a mom. But, that doesn't mean I do not need some "me" time. Throw in the fact that Brendan's schedule was changed completely for two weeks and he and Liam were around each other way too much, and you've got yourself a mom that is at her breaking point.


Brendan's struggles have had a huge impact on me these past two weeks. He has been very hard to talk to, reason with, soothe, calm down, engage, etc. He has been very strong willed and has had an increase in his back talk. Getting him to do anything that he didn't want to was pretty much next to impossible (Usually I can get him to do many things using the first-then model. Not these past weeks!). Today was exceptionally difficult for me. He had a very bad tantrum after I came home from an extremely hard day of work. I felt like I failed and I just didn't know what to do. Time outs don't work with him. Sending him to his room doesn't work. Trying to talk about it doesn't work. One day, I hope we will find what does work, cause this momma is TIRED.


Praying has been my "me" time lately. That's all I can really do right now, other then send text messages to Deron that say, "when you come home, I may not be here." I knew being a mom was going to be hard work and it is. Being a mom of a child with Autism and still not sure how to always handle a situation, is even harder. God is bigger than this situation, and he will get me through it. But for a few moments, I may sneak off to have a little meltdown, say a prayer, and jump back in.