Halloween...

Let me be honest. Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays. I don’t like the gore, the scary stuff and definitely don’t care for the crowds. I love fall, however. I love decorating with pumpkins and leaves and enjoy eating all the pumpkin things. But you will not find a Halloween decoration in our house. 

But, having kids means that sometimes we have to endure those things we don’t care for. We do not allow our children to dress in gory costumes, or scary things. They must be positive. But let me tell you, these boys get excited about Halloween. I really think it’s just because they’re getting candy, but they do enjoy it. This year, the boys are our “happy meal.”

I think one main reason that I don’t enjoy Halloween is because of the emotional stress we go through with Brendan during this holiday. He likes the idea of this holiday, but when he’s in the activities, he melts down fast. He’s overstimulated from the crowds, noise, scary things. He can’t make decisions. He has a hard time choosing a candy when the bowl is placed in front of him, and he doesn’t quite know how to say “trick or treat” or “thank you” to all these people that he doesn’t know. 

Our nights of trick or treating typically start off like this...

-Brendan is scared to go up to about the first 5-6 houses. He’s unsure of what happen since he’s never been there before. 

- after watching his brother go up and come back with candy, he starts going as well (his brother is very good about helping him with this)

- after about 30 min, he wants his costume off

- after about 45 min, his feet hurt and he can’t walk anymore (he weighs 92 pounds...) 

- he starts not wanting to go up to the homes anymore and is asking to go home 

- the more crowded the streets get, the more agitated he starts getting as well. 

I turn into the holder of all things. Sometimes I’m even carrying him. Although, that won’t be an option this year, I can barely lift him. His behavior starts to turn negative, which in turn makes me feel negative and makes me just want to end it all and go home. Poor Liam ends up having to call it quits early because I can’t take it anymore... 

This year, we’re hoping for things to be a bit different. We’ve gotten Brendan a less restrictive costume and a special bucket! 

This year, we got him a blue bucket, which is meant to help those passing out candy to see that he has autism, and maybe that’s why is social skills aren’t what they should be. He’s very excited about his bucket and told me he can’t wait to fill it to the top!! That means he will have to go to quite a few houses to get it full! He’s had a lot of growth in the last year, so I feel he will be able to overcome some of these obstacles this year. Also, we’re going with his favorite person, so I think he’ll be able to get through it all! 

We hope you all have a safe and fun Halloween! And remember, if you see a child with a blue bucket, be understanding. 

Out in public, now what?

Brendan was invited to a birthday party for one of his classmates and all week he was so excited to go! He talked about it everyday, and was so excited to pick out the present. The day of, he would ask every 30 minutes if it was time to go yet. I’ll admit, I was a bit excited too! It’s not often that these classmates get to spend time together outside their very structured classroom setting.  And as parents, we all see each other at drop off and pick up, but rarely do we get to sit down and talk about life, and get to know each other.

So walking in, there’s a bounce house, trampoline, hammocks, cornhole, etc. Brendan was excited to see his classmate, and they gave each other a cute little hug. We walked into the house to drop off the present, and there it is... the entertainment center. Right away I see Brendan’s fingers starts moving (this is the type of stimming that he does when he is excited/nervous). He says, “oh! They have a PlayStation 4, and a Nintendo switch!” Right away, I know I am going to have to do everything I can to redirect his attention away from these devices. If you have ever met Brendan at all, you will know of his obsession with gaming consoles. Probably because we really don’t have them at our home, but he loves video games. 

We are able to get outside for a while. The kids are playing nicely in the bounce house. After a while, Brendan climbs on the hammock and rests for a little while. 

We get food (which is in the house, so seeing the gaming consoles brings back that initial want). He is able to finish food, but has it in his mind that he gets to play these games after he eats. At this point, the meltdown starts. He’s pacing, crying, calling me names, saying that I’m ruining his life because I won’t let him play. I am trying to remind him that this is a birthday party, and we aren’t playing video games. It gets worse...

I am trying to remember what our ABA therapist tells us about how to handle these situations, which is to ignore. At home, no problem. Out in public, it’s tough. I walk away so that I’m not close to him, while he continues to grunt, cry, and get mad. Most of it for my attention, and so that his friends mom will give in and let him play. 

I was able to get him outside to at least sing happy birthday, but then the outburst continued. I shouldn’t feel ashamed, but I do. I feel like all the parents are watching me. In reality, I’m the one being self conscious. The other parents aren’t watching me and judging my parenting. They are actually empathizing with me because they are also in the same spot I am. 

One of the moms told me to sit down, and relax. We talked about how hard it is to “just ignore” in public. Something that comes so easy in our natural environments, becomes our most difficult task when we are out of our comfort zones. Once I relaxed and ignored the behavior, Brendan walked down to the trampoline and jumped around for a little while, before he fell when trying to get off 🤦🏻‍♀️

The point is, autism is hard. There is no manual for how to parent a child on the spectrum. You know your child, their triggers, what sets them off, what makes them happy. We can try to stay in our controlled environments where most things are easier for us and our children, but does that really do any of us any good? Getting not only ourselves, as well as our special babies out in public, learning social ques, appropriate behavior, etc. is what is going to make us and them thrive. For now, I will work on ignoring in public. Ignoring the bad behaviors from Brendan, as well as the looks, and judgmental stares from those who will just never understand what our lives are like. 

We're back!

Hey, hey! We've been absent for a minute (5 years!), trying to figure out life! But, we're back! Life has been busy, things have been changing, God is moving mountains, and we are ready to share it all with you! Here's a quick re-cap:

-Liam is a middle schooler! What?!? I can't believe we're saying that! 
-Brendan is in the 3rd grade, and we've been doing therapy, and have seen lots of growth (in all of us!)
-We've been learning lots about autism and how to navigate through the day-day with a child on the spectrum
-We've found an amazing church and have been hearing God speak to us so often. Mountains are moving, faith is growing, God is ever present. 

We're excited to get back into this Blog thing, and hope you are excited to see what we have to share. For now, enjoy a back-to-school pic of our growing boys!