Saturday, February 22, 2020

Time to catch up!

Life has been busy. We’ve started baseball! My favorite season. My sister is getting married in a little over a month! We’ve had lots of activities going on and there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in a day. Along with all the craziness of this busy season, we’ve had a lot of great things happen! 

Liam turned 12! We officially have a pre-teen on our hands 😳
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1yg5XSDixJQ6Kof7I344A46e5la3OvK36

Liam got an honor roll award! If you know Liam, academics isn’t an easy thing for him. In fact, in elementary he struggled with pretty much every subject. We even thought he may have to be held back a grade. So to be on the honor roll in middle school is such a great achievement! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1IWIdUgU_10hlddOYGvQdGKzxMkMNpH68

Brendan has had some progress in quite a few areas as well! First, he sat through polishing at the dentist! This is huge as the vibration and noise from the tool they use to do the polishing usually sends Brendan into panic mode and we have a meltdown. This time, he sat still and just let the hygienist do her thing! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1aeYbJBA3sB-IvaXr7iUvIS_XbKBoTXBF
And another one today with his haircut! We have a fantastic barber that gets Brendan. She interacts with him well and he loves getting his hair cut by her. But, she wasn’t there today. To my surprise he hopped right into another lady’s chair and let her do her thing! Typically, he has my phone during his haircut, but today he didn’t even ask! He actually looked like he enjoyed himself! Huge steps here! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1ooegNp74OrGu5jpq-Y8xyPm1qzLPnOxF

We only have 4 ABA therapy sessions left 😭 I think more than anything, we will miss our therapist. She’s amazing. We have learned so much from her. She really has helped us change the dynamic of our parenting, and even the relationships we have with Brendan. We still have some current goals that we are working on with Brendan, and he is very close to mastering them! 

We threw a bridal shower for my baby sister last weekend and it was lots of fun! Can’t believe the last kid is getting married! We are so excited to see what the future holds for her and her soon-to-be husband! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1aXc3nV4FhTkzMEjYzsHydn16F2fIEDivhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1r4rFcJib2jyUniZK-5tGfhiXGrxXdFoXhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=18IbY62Uvf21H4JRzOUmT1h_171qqRk7K

We’ve go a lot going on over the next few months, but this is a fun season of life! Lots of activities, lots of goals, and navigating parenting without our therapist... we can do it! 

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Birthdays, Christmas and New Years, oh my!

December was an eventful month, to say the least. I wish I would have taken a picture of our December calendar before tossing it. It was lit up like a Christmas tree with things that were going on. We had doctors appointments, therapies, birthdays, parties , jury duty, extra church activities, the Autism Speaks walk, just to name a few. The month flew by and even today, it feels like Christmas didn’t really happen! 

Early in the month we participated in the Autism Speaks walk at Angel Stadium. We had lots of fun. We got so many freebies, and it’s always nice for us to take a minute, and celebrate this precious boy that God gave us to watch over. We completed the whole walk (5k) and had lots of fun. Brendan’s favorite part was seeing himself on the Jumbotron when they let us walk on the ball field. We even took our elf, Toby with us! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1A1919yriCdcXkQp6denOvVKGBzCkfxmehttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1ktXoDX7WONMVaZ0yzf_RQD7nW_ocBE3ghttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1bQAnkIyORb73Cf20CRdfl4YleLdA3Y0P
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1vFwMdAJ3z56TszaWzJMc6ggDMJlvgBgT

December was also Brendan’s birthday. He turned 9 this year! We celebrated his birthday with family a few days before his actual birthday, and he sure let us know that it wasn’t his actual birthday 😉 We would like to note, that with the new age of 9-years old, there has been an increase in sass and facial expressions! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Bbb5K4MQBHMrqJWNzhVTWI2GMG8E0kIo

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1ZqQne65x8ajd7gOsa1Wnd-XLUbohCoRR

Christmas and New Years flew by! We enjoyed time with family, and our first ever trip to the Rose Parade! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1sGix3Z1Ahp8uEKWg8gq0baW6409CNKKxhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1X8qaphQG1Gz14Cku3_K-0r2T72Ak6Fyxhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1dPovim4So6uc8Nd-vtRapUuo62NtVRlAhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1cd1xacTeU1yc49yTy20e8cN2FpslZHf7https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1IGCZ4OKqaZ63HjqcHPnGyyfEaUSxdZyi

We all had a lot of tough moments behaviorally this Christmas break. There were a few moments during our break where I honestly couldn’t wait to get back work. I forget that I am away 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, and my patience level for having my name called all day got to me a few days. I really had to refocus and realize that my behavior is not benefiting either one of us. 

But, we were more prepared this break, with schedules and resources to help get Brendan through the many things we were doing. We created a schedule for break that included reading and math! Something that we all could count on being done everyday. Routine is very important for Brendan. Also, we had a visual calendar that we would fill out first thing in the morning with what we were doing for that day and what time. This really helped to transition Brendan between activities since he already knew what we were doing for the day. 

Growth is happening for us all, and we’re excited to see how this continues! 

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Routine, routine... oh how we’ve missed you!

We’ve been on a roll. Progressing with Brendan’s behavior, and growing as parents. We’ve been seeing so many changes. We even commented to our therapist the other day that our evenings seemed more boring, because we weren’t having to shower Brendan anymore, and he is actually doing more on his own! Huge leaps made in this area! 

We were so excited about our success, that we forgot to really plan for this thanksgiving break. A week of no school, no routine, coming and going, and being thrown into overstimulating environments 😳. We saw it start on Monday. The agitation started. Brendan started becoming non-compliant, and would yell at everyone for everything. The hurtful words started coming out, as well as the inappropriate jesters. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1AZ9zu_mCBLPeWEEETFh0Yye7v2FzWu5S
We felt a sense of shame. We worked so hard and have come so far with our growth, and here we are, relapsing. A lot of this could have been avoided if we planned better. If we would have just prepped some worksheets for him to do, and set aside reading time. Maybe then, the behaviors wouldn’t have been so difficult. I had a weird work schedule this holiday week, and he didn’t know when to expect me at home. Maybe we could have done a better job prepping him for what to expect, and setting clearer expectations for what we were going to be doing...

Should, coulda, woulda...

We are in a constant state of learning. Learning what works, and what doesn’t work. Learning that we need to do better to keep routine, and prep Brendan for what’s to come. You know what is working though? This ⬇️

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1DuV_d8xGCzI0iHFZamaTN6J0I6BiexUv
We’ve started a new task with Brendan, which is brushing his own teeth! (This is something he absolutely hates doing) We started with just two days. If he could brush his teeth himself for two days, he got to go to the dollar tree for a prize. Well, he did it, and we took a trip there on Wednesday! Then he asked if he could work for a trip to Target instead. So we set up another chart on the mirror for 4 days of brushing his own teeth. He knocked that chart out of the water too, and we went to Target today for his prize. Now, he is working for a trip to Walmart, for a bigger prize. This time, he has to do this task for 6 days though. We are adding a few days at a time to each chart, and will eventually start weaning off the chart, and he’ll be doing it without any reward or prompting! 

While we have these periods of self doubt and shoulding on ourselves, we really need to take a step back and acknowledge all the growth that we have made. My 97 year-old grandma has been telling us a lot lately about how much change she has seen in Brendan and how good of parents we are. In the periods of relapse, or change, this is something we really need to keep at the forefront of our thinking. 

We are looking forward to this time of the year. We have lots of activities that take up every weekend. Brendan will be celebrating his 9th birthday in a few weeks, and then Christmas! This is his favorite time of the year, but it is also our most challenging in regards to behavior. We will be working hard the next few weeks with developing a routine for Christmas break, and working on our priming skills so he knows what to expect! We hope you all enjoy this holiday season! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1JOqV03vos0Gx3Y0HmXtzWOD7LogD8dSx

Sunday, November 3, 2019

I’m doing it! Tooting our own horn!

I’m not one that likes to brag, and usually, I discount the progress we’ve made by saying things like, “we’re doing good, but...” No more! We’ve been working very hard, and have seen so much growth, we need to brag!! Our parenting style has had to evolve so much over the last few months, and change isn’t always easy. Especially, when for the most part, your parenting style has worked for 11 years. 

Our ABA therapists give us praise all the time. Telling us that we are the most receptive parents they’ve interacted with in some time. That we really take the training they are giving us, and implement it. And it does show. We had one extremely rough month with Brendan at the beginning of al this change, but that’s expected when we do things differently than he is expecting. But the months that followed have really made us feel that we are doing a good job, and doing it right! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Qa5FpF6jCc4WsFnAh-lL-Sr0PWz9ua25
The meltdowns are fewer and farther in between. Brendan is more compliant about doing an unpreferred activity. We are better at preparing him for a transition. We take the time to tell him that we like the words he using, or that he’s playing nice, etc. And we have even seen some growth in him verbally expressing what he may be feeling (this is still a huge area of needed improvement, but we are seeing some!). 

Halloween really took me by surprise and is what really made us see that we’re are doing things right! When we were leaving for my friends house, I told Deron that I was nervous about how Brendan would react when I say it’s time to go trick-or-treating, and time to go home. You see, there is something at my friends house that is not at our house. Something Brendan obsesses about... an Xbox. I already had it in my mind that there would be screaming, crying, hurtful words, when I would transition him to different things. When we set him up on the game, we told him to let us know if there was he needed. He would pop up to the window here and there and say, “I’m ok!” 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1cFcoCYwiVNfM3C3-h0K5PNbfjoXVKvD4
When I asked him if he wanted to go trick-or-treating, he said, “I don’t know...” About 20 min later, he came out all on his own and said that he was ready to go. We went out for about 45 min, and returned back. He went back and played some more games. Then came out on his own to snuggle and play with the kids. He would go back and forth a few times, without me even asking him to do so. When it was time to leave, I went into the room and primed him, letting him know we would be leaving in about 10 min. He put down the controller and said, “I’m ready to go now.” 😳 I couldn’t believe it. No tantrums. No crying. No name calling. The ride home was peaceful (usually he would cry the whole way home). Things were peaceful. Maybe he was just tired, but maybe, the tools we were taught, and we are implementing, are actually working! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1CVvrSQ5RCN3eK5DOSV6Sj7EJgXOX0K8T
This is the growth that we have been training for! Deron and I have been working so hard to help us help B, and we are seeing our hard work come through in B’s behavior. We are so thankful that these services are available for parents. No one tells you how to parent a child with autism, and many times you just don’t know that changing one small thing, can really change the reaction you get from your child. We cannot say enough good things about this therapy. 

If you are reading this and need help finding resources to help you and your child, please let me know! We were blind in going through these processes, but we’ve learned over the years where to go to get us and Brendan the help that’s needed. 

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Halloween...

Let me be honest. Halloween is not one of my favorite holidays. I don’t like the gore, the scary stuff and definitely don’t care for the crowds. I love fall, however. I love decorating with pumpkins and leaves and enjoy eating all the pumpkin things. But you will not find a Halloween decoration in our house. 

But, having kids means that sometimes we have to endure those things we don’t care for. We do not allow our children to dress in gory costumes, or scary things. They must be positive. But let me tell you, these boys get excited about Halloween. I really think it’s just because they’re getting candy, but they do enjoy it. This year, the boys are our “happy meal.”

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1I0kQUZVSsKRY4WvE_JPqq09nrTtDbjpm

I think one main reason that I don’t enjoy Halloween is because of the emotional stress we go through with Brendan during this holiday. He likes the idea of this holiday, but when he’s in the activities, he melts down fast. He’s overstimulated from the crowds, noise, scary things. He can’t make decisions. He has a hard time choosing a candy when the bowl is placed in front of him, and he doesn’t quite know how to say “trick or treat” or “thank you” to all these people that he doesn’t know. 

Our nights of trick or treating typically start off like this...
-Brendan is scared to go up to about the first 5-6 houses. He’s unsure of what happen since he’s never been there before. 
- after watching his brother go up and come back with candy, he starts going as well (his brother is very good about helping him with this)
- after about 30 min, he wants his costume off
- after about 45 min, his feet hurt and he can’t walk anymore (he weighs 92 pounds...) 
- he starts not wanting to go up to the homes anymore and is asking to go home 
- the more crowded the streets get, the more agitated he starts getting as well. 

I turn into the holder of all things. Sometimes I’m even carrying him. Although, that won’t be an option this year, I can barely lift him. His behavior starts to turn negative, which in turn makes me feel negative and makes me just want to end it all and go home. Poor Liam ends up having to call it quits early because I can’t take it anymore... 

This year, we’re hoping for things to be a bit different. We’ve gotten Brendan a less restrictive costume and a special bucket! 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1-92lz-RjB22D6CZlhf3MqZ68vMgGccuB
This year, we got him a blue bucket, which is meant to help those passing out candy to see that he has autism, and maybe that’s why is social skills aren’t what they should be. He’s very excited about his bucket and told me he can’t wait to fill it to the top!! That means he will have to go to quite a few houses to get it full! He’s had a lot of growth in the last year, so I feel he will be able to overcome some of these obstacles this year. Also, we’re going with his favorite person, so I think he’ll be able to get through it all! 

We hope you all have a safe and fun Halloween! And remember, if you see a child with a blue bucket, be understanding. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1hjMWz03DsEOv1rOPHUZ4noaJq9DdjDIV

Saturday, October 12, 2019

Out in public, now what?

Brendan was invited to a birthday party for one of his classmates and all week he was so excited to go! He talked about it everyday, and was so excited to pick out the present. The day of, he would ask every 30 minutes if it was time to go yet. I’ll admit, I was a bit excited too! It’s not often that these classmates get to spend time together outside their very structured classroom setting.  And as parents, we all see each other at drop off and pick up, but rarely do we get to sit down and talk about life, and get to know each other.

So walking in, there’s a bounce house, trampoline, hammocks, cornhole, etc. Brendan was excited to see his classmate, and they gave each other a cute little hug. We walked into the house to drop off the present, and there it is... the entertainment center. Right away I see Brendan’s fingers starts moving (this is the type of stimming that he does when he is excited/nervous). He says, “oh! They have a PlayStation 4, and a Nintendo switch!” Right away, I know I am going to have to do everything I can to redirect his attention away from these devices. If you have ever met Brendan at all, you will know of his obsession with gaming consoles. Probably because we really don’t have them at our home, but he loves video games. 

We are able to get outside for a while. The kids are playing nicely in the bounce house. After a while, Brendan climbs on the hammock and rests for a little while. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1KYnnEvUxrOJKBSklMCr37R2HmGIWDWCh
We get food (which is in the house, so seeing the gaming consoles brings back that initial want). He is able to finish food, but has it in his mind that he gets to play these games after he eats. At this point, the meltdown starts. He’s pacing, crying, calling me names, saying that I’m ruining his life because I won’t let him play. I am trying to remind him that this is a birthday party, and we aren’t playing video games. It gets worse...

I am trying to remember what our ABA therapist tells us about how to handle these situations, which is to ignore. At home, no problem. Out in public, it’s tough. I walk away so that I’m not close to him, while he continues to grunt, cry, and get mad. Most of it for my attention, and so that his friends mom will give in and let him play. 

I was able to get him outside to at least sing happy birthday, but then the outburst continued. I shouldn’t feel ashamed, but I do. I feel like all the parents are watching me. In reality, I’m the one being self conscious. The other parents aren’t watching me and judging my parenting. They are actually empathizing with me because they are also in the same spot I am. 

One of the moms told me to sit down, and relax. We talked about how hard it is to “just ignore” in public. Something that comes so easy in our natural environments, becomes our most difficult task when we are out of our comfort zones. Once I relaxed and ignored the behavior, Brendan walked down to the trampoline and jumped around for a little while, before he fell when trying to get off 🤦🏻‍♀️

The point is, autism is hard. There is no manual for how to parent a child on the spectrum. You know your child, their triggers, what sets them off, what makes them happy. We can try to stay in our controlled environments where most things are easier for us and our children, but does that really do any of us any good? Getting not only ourselves, as well as our special babies out in public, learning social ques, appropriate behavior, etc. is what is going to make us and them thrive. For now, I will work on ignoring in public. Ignoring the bad behaviors from Brendan, as well as the looks, and judgmental stares from those who will just never understand what our lives are like. 

Saturday, October 5, 2019

We're back!

Hey, hey! We've been absent for a minute (5 years!), trying to figure out life! But, we're back! Life has been busy, things have been changing, God is moving mountains, and we are ready to share it all with you! Here's a quick re-cap:

-Liam is a middle schooler! What?!? I can't believe we're saying that! 
-Brendan is in the 3rd grade, and we've been doing therapy, and have seen lots of growth (in all of us!)
-We've been learning lots about autism and how to navigate through the day-day with a child on the spectrum
-We've found an amazing church and have been hearing God speak to us so often. Mountains are moving, faith is growing, God is ever present. 

We're excited to get back into this Blog thing, and hope you are excited to see what we have to share. For now, enjoy a back-to-school pic of our growing boys!