Out in public, now what?

Brendan was invited to a birthday party for one of his classmates and all week he was so excited to go! He talked about it everyday, and was so excited to pick out the present. The day of, he would ask every 30 minutes if it was time to go yet. I’ll admit, I was a bit excited too! It’s not often that these classmates get to spend time together outside their very structured classroom setting.  And as parents, we all see each other at drop off and pick up, but rarely do we get to sit down and talk about life, and get to know each other.

So walking in, there’s a bounce house, trampoline, hammocks, cornhole, etc. Brendan was excited to see his classmate, and they gave each other a cute little hug. We walked into the house to drop off the present, and there it is... the entertainment center. Right away I see Brendan’s fingers starts moving (this is the type of stimming that he does when he is excited/nervous). He says, “oh! They have a PlayStation 4, and a Nintendo switch!” Right away, I know I am going to have to do everything I can to redirect his attention away from these devices. If you have ever met Brendan at all, you will know of his obsession with gaming consoles. Probably because we really don’t have them at our home, but he loves video games. 

We are able to get outside for a while. The kids are playing nicely in the bounce house. After a while, Brendan climbs on the hammock and rests for a little while. 

We get food (which is in the house, so seeing the gaming consoles brings back that initial want). He is able to finish food, but has it in his mind that he gets to play these games after he eats. At this point, the meltdown starts. He’s pacing, crying, calling me names, saying that I’m ruining his life because I won’t let him play. I am trying to remind him that this is a birthday party, and we aren’t playing video games. It gets worse...

I am trying to remember what our ABA therapist tells us about how to handle these situations, which is to ignore. At home, no problem. Out in public, it’s tough. I walk away so that I’m not close to him, while he continues to grunt, cry, and get mad. Most of it for my attention, and so that his friends mom will give in and let him play. 

I was able to get him outside to at least sing happy birthday, but then the outburst continued. I shouldn’t feel ashamed, but I do. I feel like all the parents are watching me. In reality, I’m the one being self conscious. The other parents aren’t watching me and judging my parenting. They are actually empathizing with me because they are also in the same spot I am. 

One of the moms told me to sit down, and relax. We talked about how hard it is to “just ignore” in public. Something that comes so easy in our natural environments, becomes our most difficult task when we are out of our comfort zones. Once I relaxed and ignored the behavior, Brendan walked down to the trampoline and jumped around for a little while, before he fell when trying to get off 🤦🏻‍♀️

The point is, autism is hard. There is no manual for how to parent a child on the spectrum. You know your child, their triggers, what sets them off, what makes them happy. We can try to stay in our controlled environments where most things are easier for us and our children, but does that really do any of us any good? Getting not only ourselves, as well as our special babies out in public, learning social ques, appropriate behavior, etc. is what is going to make us and them thrive. For now, I will work on ignoring in public. Ignoring the bad behaviors from Brendan, as well as the looks, and judgmental stares from those who will just never understand what our lives are like.